My lunch

Grilled salmon with olives ontop,'svekla'(raddish) salad,and cheese salad(grated carrots,chopped garlic,mayonaise and cheddar cheese)










Baked beans,scrambled eggs and cherry tomatoes












This is my bitten apple,with generous squeeze of honey.Yummy!










My mushroom soup



Basically these are what i eat for lunch here.If i show this to Kak Sham she will surely say "tak lalu lah!" or "eee".Hahaha...But thank god im not the kind of person who has to eat rice everyday or elese...=b

Today is the last day of my therapy cycle.We had an 'itogovaya rabota'.It is a concluding,sort of a small test covering all topics that we've learned during the 30 days.We were given an ECG paper,blood and urine analysis and one clinical question for us to diagnose.I got a 4,which is if translated into a language means good.

That's how i m.Just good.What is the meaning of good?Everyone could get a 4 even those who dont study.Im always good but never excellent.

As a child ive always believed that i was born with a great hidden talent.That i am special and above all else.But as i grow up,i wonder where has the confidence and believe gone to?What has gone wrong,or where?

Im determined.Ive got to find it.Ive got to find my special something that He gave me.I'll never be satisfied till i find it.

WISH ME LUCK UNIVERSE!

My Dear Friend

Yesterday i read a blog.Its about this person which is a friend of mine but somehow has decided that im not a friend anymore coz i was 'brainwashed' and has changed and no longer the person he used to know.Well poor u baby,but i must say u've never known me before and what u saw,wasnt really me.This is the real me for i have been this way long enough,longer than the part of me which u believe i was.For as far as the truth is concerned, let me ask u: "Can anyone pretend to be someone they are not for 5 years? Maybe.But it is certainly not me.And let me say to you for once and for all,dont assume u know me.And dont lash your anger on somebody else.For being this way is my choice and MY CHOICE alone.

And i am still your friend,if only u would try to open your heart a bit and give me some spaces.

Well everybody else here in this place seems to think that he is 'terpesong' that is to say not in the right path as far as religion is concerned,homosexual(that is too much in my opinion) and many more.But after browsing through his pages i cant say he is all that.Maybe a bit confused,angry yes,disappointed alot and frustrated.Despite of myself,my heart goes out to him.

Recalling one of my many conversations with him,(i had this oppurtunity coz both of us are in the same medium.Only the two of us.But this was the time when we were quite close with each other.) i realised that most of the time i disagree with the content of his ideas.(im sorry for not having enough patience with u.But u know,to a certain degree my sensible mind cant accept your argument which to me is "ntah apa2".Im sorry again,maybe im far too shallow to follow your thoughts)

And after some time i came to a conclusion that he is angry and bitter.
To whom?

i dont know.

Why?

i didnt find the answer.Maybe God himself.......

He did say in one of his post that he believes in God's existance but doubt His messages or messengers for that matter,for no one can take a man's word without trusting him.

Dear u,i hope and i pray that u will find your way,the truth that u have been looking for.I know u r angry and bitter and i dont blame u for that.U have every right to be.But all i ask from u is to open your heart,be sincere to yourself,and with every breath you take never fail to ask Him to show u the way.....

The "Missing" Game

I have decided to play the missing game with him.The purpose? To give ourselves time to miss each other.The duration is two weeks starting from today onwards.

From one point of veiw it is good coz i realised that ive spent so much time chatting when what im suppose to do is study.

But honestly the real reason is because i was upset.I wanted to see him online and told him that.He said he is hungry and wants to eat.I said ok i'll wait.Then when he gets back he seems to forget bout it and afterwards told me he's hungry again and going to make some mashed potato for himself.I waited summore.Then in the end when he gets back he said he's going out to the cinema.Huh!

If

This poem was one of the poems i learned when i was in form 4 and 5.I read it a few times almost a decade ago but never really understood the meaning...Today i suddenly think about it and decide to find it again and try to read it again to get the essence of its meaning....so here it goes

If u can keep your head when all about u are loosing theirs and blaming it on u,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about,dont deal in lies,
Or being hated,dont give way to hating,
And yet dont look too good nor talk too wise;

If you can dream-and not make dreams your master;
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you give your life to,broken,
And toop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can make a heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And loose,and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss,
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them:"Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with Kings-nor lose the common touch
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you but none too much,
If you can fiil the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of a distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything in it
And-which is more-you'll be a Man,my son!

And so,i find that this time it is much more accurate and relevant to things that has been happening in my life since i left school up untill now

My day

Im having a therapy cycle now in bolnichni kompleks and usually it's holiday on Saturday.That's common.It's called "bibilotechni den" where u r freed on that day and are given a homework to finish.


I dont like my groupmates,mind u it's not hate but they are the kind of people who dont take me seriously.They always laugh at my ideas and suggestions.They never think of me as someone sensible,let alone smart.But today im glad i can explain "Proba Rivalta" very well that there was a moment of silence in the class.U know im not actually stupid,im just the kind of person who think in a way different from everybody else.They,coming from a different country dont understand me,my jokes,my way of thinking and how i really am.But im glad i bear everything with patience.Now at least they know im someone good.One of my them even wish on my birthday that i'll stay this way forever....well,we'll see to that.
I read a friend's blog today.Seems that she's still angry over the past few days' issue.I dont believe people even write blog on that.LOL!
She's angry coz to her it seems that everybody is trying to stop her from doing the thing that she likes most and at the present moment seems to be the only thing she's allowed to do due to her condition.I pity her and i do understand her situation,but at one point i do think she's too much.


And now im comparing my situation to hers.Well,we both started with padfak but for me she is way luckier than i am.When she reached here,there's already a big community of us where people care for each other.Whereas for me when i first came here i was the only student with hijab.I dont have muslim friends who i can talk to and share things with.But i do have a close friend who untill now is still good with me.And i do realise that my previous seniors look at me "differently" coz that close friend of mine is not a malay.But u know in a way im proud of myself coz i would say that im not the typical malay who are always around malays and have the typical type of malay thinking.Im glad that i chose russian medium and im glad to have decided to have the "road not taken".I am an ugly duckling which will grow up to be swan.Im different.Im one in a million.And i thank Him to have made me this way.......

My Baby Bear

It started about a year ago when i signed up for an acount in AL.Thats where i met him.I think its about a few weeks after i posted my profile.
One day i checked my inbox and i found a message from this cute guy whom i instinctly knew i'll click with.He's starting line was this :U caught my eye
I literally floated on air.....

Oh and yes,in my profile i did mention that im only looking for a serious relationship.I guess the thing that made me want to respond to his message was his closing line: im looking for a marriage....Isnt it something?

Out of all the people who sent messages and chatted with me i find him the most pleasant to talk with.For something virtual,i'd say he is polite,always treat me with respect and never try to be sexually suggestive like certain guys do.Over all i'd say i like him,ALOT!.And so on the story goes....

Of course there were ups and downs just like in any other love stories.At times we feel that we should stop and move on with our lives coz its just impossible for us to be together due to the distance,and at times we simply feel that our feelings for each other are so strong that its hard to just let go...

But last night during the chat he seemed to be more open about his feelings for me.Im happy of course but scared at the same time,of so many things.Honestly i feel like backing away at once....but no,this time i'll stay inshaAllah.And i'll stay for good