Tomorrow the first group will finish their final paper hence making them officially the doctors of VOLGMU batch 2011

I can't believe it's finally over.

Most people feel sad to leave this place...but honestly I don't.Is that weird? Of course I'll bring back home some memories but no,I'm not sad to leave this place.No.Simple and plain NO.

It started with pain and bad memories.Living it was boring.I was lonely most of my life here.I have no one to talk to(except  for the last 1 and a half year towards the end),my group mates created an invisible barrier between us that even though we were together for 6 years I barely knew anything about them except for what I see in class.They don't really talk with me and if there is something coming up they never tell me,and usually I found out from other sources or I simply became the uninformed one.I never tasted the sweetness of friendship that I long for.People here sucks.(I don't have to mention another incident this morning in the pool....coz if I do this will be a blog of complaints and I myself am tired of complaining about things which won't change) I practically experienced nothing tender or gentle or strongly moving(except for the negative ones) that can change my soul for the better.So yea,I'm glad it's over.

But I'm proud of myself.I'm proud that I went through it all with dignity.The sadness,the pain,the fear of not knowing how and why and having no one to talk to,the hardship in studies coupled with struggling through it all alone.And finally the loneliness.......yea the freaking creepy loneliness that accompanied me for the past 7 years.

I'm glad it's all over.

Here's specially dedicated to me.May Allah erase sadness from my heart and give me companies from among those who are close to Him.Ameen...

And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I travelled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew


But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes it was my way

Contact lenses and understanding something i've learned before

Bout a week ago i received my parcel:2 pairs of geo-angle contact lenses i bought online from one of the websites recommended by this make-up guru.Bought purple and blue.But i didnt try them there and then coz i don't have the solution and the small cute container to keep them.So they waited there for about a week in the small cute bottles.

Today after finishing my surgery paper i went to the apteka on the first floor.Asked the lady 'u vas est rastvor dlya kontaknikh linz?' Showed me a brand i never see before.Standing in front of the display shelf for about 1 minute contemplating whether to buy it or not....then "ok i'll buy since the price is reasonable and i need 1 anyway"...but gosh they dont have the container(or whatever it is called.i said container and the lady understood,so) i decided to head for targovi senter to find one.

I thought El-de-Bote has it but it doenst,the apteka inside there doesnt have it as well so i went to the apteka which is located a few blocks away.Found!......it's just that it comes as a free gift if i buy the solution.Another solution?Man,i dont need 2 bottles of solution!!.Arrghhh!!! but i bought it anyway so there goes my money....

Tried them.Successful only after the 7th.....or was it the 8th attempt? yea and that was just for 1 side.Once it gets inside my eyes i have this sudden reaction: my eyes become red,my eyelid swollen,my chest suddenly feels tight,my nose starts producing mucus and they oozes out and i have difficulty in breathing.That lense inside my eyes was really irritating i felt like taking it out instantly....but i havent seen how i look in the mirror.I have to be patient a bit.i closed my eyes and took a deeeeeep breath....then suddenly i remember this thing called angionevroticheski otek.It described exactly what im having...Before this i always wonder how can insect bites make your breathing airway blocked? now i got it.It's the allergy mechanism.Not that i dont understand the whole allergy mechanism thingy...it's just that experiencing it myself feels much more real..like those scientists who purposely infect themsleves with a new species of bacteria they discovered....is this even relevant?ok whatever but yea it feels like theory put into practical and......i'm allergic to contact lense eh?new discovery...yea but not on a severe stage.

I didnt put both lenses at once.i decided i have to make my eyes get used to one first then i put on the next.Then i take a look in the mirror......i say:i love my real eye better.It's light brown,it shines,i can see the iris clearly,it's transparent and the most important thing is that it doesn't  irritate me and i dont have difficulties breathing with it.Subhanallah....what human being create can never compare to what U create.Yours are simply magnifiicient.Thank you for giving me this pair of beautiful eyes.May i become among those who are grateful for all the ni'mat U've given.

Tennessee Waltz

I want something to occupy my mind with.Something different that only i have and others don't.

I had a breakup

I had a break up
My heart's in pain
It drives me crazy
I'm insane

What is love? I asked myself
I don't know.Myself said to me
What do i do? i asked to myself
Be it so.Myself said to me.....

I had a breakup
My heart's in pain
It drives me crazy
I'm insane

I punched the keyboard
I asked Mr. Gugel: Love?
Mr. Gugel said to me:
Love is this,Love is that,Love is in the heart.....

I had a break up
My heart's in pain
It drives me crazy
I'm insane

My friend came to visit
I told her i'm in pain
She said: Oh there's man u should go visit
I think he can help to ease the pain.

I went to see the man.
I was so surprised
I said: Oh it's U!
He said:Yes, it's Me.

I said:I'm sorry.Please forgive me.
He said:It's ok.My love for u will forever be.

I had a breakup
But my heart is no longer in pain
I have found what is love.
Thank u Dear Man.



One day Omar went for a walk with the Prophet of Allah, salah allahu 'alayhi wa salam. The Prophet took Omar’s hand,and Omar said, “By Allah, I love you Ya Rasoolullah”. The Prophet then asked him, “More than your children, Ya Omar?” Omar replied, “Yes, Ya Rasoolullah.” The Prophet then asked him, “More than your family, Ya Omar?” Omar replied, “Yes, Ya Rasoolullah.” The Prophet then asked him, “More than your money, Ya Omar?” Omar replied, “Yes, Ya Rasoolullah.” The Prophet then asked him, “More than yourself, Ya Omar?” Omar replied, “No, Ya Rasoolullah.” The Prophet didn’t like this reply, and so he said, “Ya Omar, your faith will never be complete until you love me more than yourself.” So Omar went out and stayed alone for a while, then he came back and stood in the middle of the mosque saying loudly, “Ya Rasoolullah, now I love you more than myself.” The Prophet then replied, “Now, Ya Omar. Now, Ya Omar.” (Meaning that now Omar’s faith was complete.) Omar was later asked how he could make himself love the Prophet more than himself in such a short time. He replied, “I went out and asked myself whom I needed more, myself or the Prophet of Allah? I found that I needed the Prophet more. I will not intercede for myself on the Day of Judgment, but the Prophet of Allah will. My deeds will not place me in the highest of levels, but my love for the Prophet will. I did not take myself from the darkness to light, but the Prophet of Allah did. Hence, the love of the Prophet fell in my heart more than my love for myself.” '

Suratan Atau Kebetulan

Ya Allah,adakah itu satu suratan?

Berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapinya
Ya Allah,sekiranya itu bukan milikku kupercaya Engkau menyimpan sesuatu yang lebih baik untukku

Sinarilah hati ini dengan cahaya ketaqwaan kepadaMu

Agar aku bisa redha dengan segala ketentuanMu

Ya Allah,aku menyerahkan segala urusanku kepadaMu

Cukuplah Engkau bagiku

Dari Engkau aku datang

Kepda Engkau akan ku kembali

Ya Rabbul'alamin!

petikan kata-kata dari seorang akhawat yang dikasihi:

"Dunia diciptakan untuk manusia,tetapi pada hakikatnya manusia diciptakan untuk akhirat"

NEVER LOSE HOPE IN DU'A

Dalam satu syair pernah disebut:

Sedangkan diri ini yang memiliki segala sesuatu pasti akan pergi,

Lalu apakah pantas aku meratapi kehilangan itu?

Janganlah kamu gelisah akan masa akan datang kerana ia masih berada di alam ghaib;dan ia tidak pernah meminta izinmu akan ketidak-hadirannya itu.

"aku tidak hairan sekiranya mereka mencintaiNya.......tetapi aku hairan jika Dia mencintai mereka.Dia yang memberikan rezeki kepada mereka,memberikan keselamatan kepada mereka,dan Dia pula mencintai mereka.

-diolah dari kitab La Tahzan-

Too many things happened in such a short period of time.I'm in a total emotional turmoil....

Where will it go from here? I don't know

I'm finally going to see u.Im quite excited i must say for we have been waiting for this opportunity to arrive for so long.And it's finally here.But the sad thing is that im not able to tell this to anyone,not even a family member.None could ever understand this.U know there was a time in my life when i oh so wanted everyone to understand me...to reach out for me is more like it.But well at this point i don't care anymore.At least i have u blog.I tell u things that i could not tell to but strangers.Strangers from all four corners of the globe.Ironic isn't it?Sometimes u think u're close enough to a person but u actually know nothing about them.Well not that this is a top secret or anything like it.I just feel that this is my right as a person who belongs to a family to have her insights shared.What's a family for?

Anyway having my heartfelt poured out,i must say i still couldnt see where it's taking us from here.Of course i should expect the best in everything but i don't know.Everything is so uncertain.Where do we go from here? I don't know............