I just woke up from my usual afternoon siesta(i slept from 3 to 6 but i consider that as siesta too,in my personal term).Feel soo good,feel so fresh as if the world is smiling to me.Yea, having settled all the papers is surely the greatest feeling ever! And now im officially going for my final year.OMG! i reaaaally can't believe how fast time files by(but surely it doesnt feel as-if-it-was-yesterday-i stepped-foot-on-this-land of Volgograd.It's been AGES ok??!!) And i can't wait to go back home...for good.

We had lunch together,those who finished their papers today.There's another group who will have theirs tomorrow.Seems like they are in stress.All silence and this don't-disturb-me-or-u'll-die look.HeHe understandable...

Erm..and i have lots of things to do.I have plans for tomorrow.First of all im gona go change/do something bout my practically non-functioning camera.I guess it all dated back to last year when  i  tHe UnClE had it rolling down the sandy hill at the Bedouin's village in Marrakesh.It started like this:

I was on this 3 days 2 nights trip to the Sahara dessert when i met this nice indian muslim couple from UK who happened to be in the same tour.We were happy to see each other and talked non-stop,especially the nice uncle.When the van which brought us stopped at one of the R& which happens to be the Bedouin's village we climbed down the van,bought some cold drinks and went to explore the inside of  the village.Just the two of us(since everyone else was tired and just wanted to sit down and have a rest).

We climbed the sandy hill in order to get a better view of the lake in front of us.At the same time he was asking me for my e-mail and contact number.He didnt have a pen or paper so i took off my knapsack in order to get them.I handed him the camera i was holding.When i zipped up my bag and turn to him, i saw my camera rolling down the hill and bumped twice along the way.In my heart i was screaming loudly OOOOOO NOOOOO!!!!!!! (I bought it especially for the trip since my previous one was stolen in Barcelona the year before).But outwardly i just shrugged and smiled at him as if to say "it's ok,no big deal!" Thank God i still have another 1 year guarantee for it!

Besides that im gona go swimming.But this one i'll see to it coz for now i dont have a proper swimming costume and from the look of it everybody doesnt really approve the idea.Well...

And i promised myself to finish this English translation of the human physiology book i took from my friend.Hurm...

Oh and before i forget,bout 3 days ago i dreamed i went to Mongolia.Surprisingly they have monorail! I thought Mongolia is just about hillsides and mountains and sheeps and tents.Will google bout this later.And I have this cool professional photographer's camera around my neck.In that dream i took lots of pictures with sunset in it,especially with the sun behind mosques.The mongolians have very beautiful mosques built on top of hills.Such a magneficient view! And i dont know how or why but J and A were in that dream too.These two fellas are my padfak friends which for some reasons best known to myself have been distant.

And you know what? Today morning A was on the same marshrutka with me! And we walked together till we reached the hospital buliding.We talked again! And when i reached 5th floor where the exam was held i saw J waiting for his turn.I talked to him too.And once again i met him at Seppala shop and we talked theere too.Im glad that we still talk to each other.It feels like a huge relief and that all the suspicions and prejudices that we might have for each other are lifted towards the sky.I honestly hope this friendship will last....

Here are random pictures i took with my camera ,the one that i will change for a new one tomorrow hopefully...

Chillied anchovies with cheese bread for lunch.I only cooked the former one.

The fruit shake we had today for lunch

My fav 'fruktovi liod' (fruit ice) cranberry flavour

Summer fruits

Alexandria's phalanges....

A lousy day

All day I've been  wanting to talk to Fatin but im afraid words will worsen the situation.Think i'll call home once again tomorrow.

Ive been reading psychiatry all day but when i look at the long list of questions it seems like i dont know anything and my exam is tomorrow.

Im beginning to feel that our life is irrelavant.Its just a matter of time before it comes to an end.Don't worry universe im gona be fine. =)

I just woke up 15 min ago to the sound of knocking on the door.It was Sofi and Farah.They told me that Abng Othman passed away around 10am Malaysian time.I called home.Everythung is fine.Im gona see Fatin now.

Im glad i decided to go back ....

There is this guy that u've known for a year.He doesnt seem to be very serious about u.It's not that he doesnt like u.It's just that for several years to come it seems that he's contented with the way things are.But u click with him.He's fun to be with and his company always makes your day.But the thing is he doesnt pray 5 times a day.Oh,and this one had several girlfriends before.

Another one u've known him for less than a year.He is serious about u and tell u that from time to time.But the thing is this guy doesnt really click with u,in a sense that he's not as fun as the first one.But religion wise he's good.Doesn't smoke or drink and prays 5 times a day.Oh,and this one never had a girlfriend before.

So,which one will u choose? I guess if i were to ask mom bout this surely she'll ask me to take the second one.Coz to her it is better to be with someone who loves u more,than the one which U love more.That way u'll be secured.The probability of him leaving you is low.Once,a good friend of mine told me that it is better for a girl to be loved and taken care of instead of her running around trying to fix things and risking a heartbreak.It's just so exhausting!I kinda agree with her actually.Besides,the second one never had a girlfriend before so u are and always will be the best for him (coz he can't compare u to another.Mind u it's a plus point!)

But,knowing all this why do i keep thinking of the first one? Is it because i've known him for a long time and knew him first before the second one came along?Or perhaps it's nature that it is hard to say goodbye to someone who has become part of your everyday life.But sooner or later i know i have to decide.

Whatever it is i guess only time will tell.....

Every Woman In The World

I woke up with this song playing in my mind.I guess it's bcoz i didnt turn off my mp4 when i went to bed.

This song reminds me of my sis Awa(she got particular memories with this song and i used to tease her bout that from time to time).I guess that's because i miss her.Staying far away from home makes me realise how lucky i am to have siblings.It's so lonely here...

Today i found a new interexciting(interesting+exciting) blog.It's about a 25 year old girl who lives in Vancouver.She loves surfing,snowboarding and photography.Its really good to know that someone my age has done so many great thing in life and has achieved something.I think i should too.

Im biting an apple while writing this.I notice traces of blood on the bite-marks i made.This gum bleeding problem im having really annoys me.Huh!

Oh and by the way I finished my therapy exam today.Its easier than what i expected.There was no ECG paper,no blood analysis and no X-ray film.And the teacher is a lady of about late 30's.She's really nice to me.She listened to what i said and never made an issue with my hijab.Hurm,i guess that's because she's used to girls with hijab and probably had students with hijab before.

Love oh love!

I believe all girls at least once in their lifetime dreamed of finding their true love or the prince charming.Me too.I had that when i was young.

As a teenage girl i wasnt the rebellious type,or the one who always have boys around them.I was a good girl.The one who obeys rules in school,good with all my teachers and well-liked by my friends.And eventhough i dont really listen to my mom,i never make her worry too much.I never run away from home or involove in drugs or get myself pregnant.And i was good with my studies too.In fact i was among the top students in my school.

Where were we?....Love.Oh yep, I never rush into this matter of love because i always believe that one day it will come.I never involve myself in love because for me it is complicated,in a sense that if i were to fall in love at that age of 15-16 there's nothing i could do.I mean i can't get married at 15! Besides im the ambituous kind of girl who always have great dreams.Running away with my boyfriend and abandon everything was never in my list of things-to-do eventhough i know to some girls this might appear to be terribly romantic!

Now almost 10 years have passed by since i seriously give love a thought.

And here i am in Volgograd.Im doing medicine.I can speak Russian fairly well,i've travelled to places that i dreamed of going to and in less than a year im going to be a doctor.Great isnt it? Everything that i've been dreaming for are now in my hands.But...where is the love that i've been waititng for?

The other day i was talking to Fatin.Nothing serious,just like one of the many conversations u too probably had with your sister or cousin or niece.She told me she wants to be a gynecologist.Since we are both doing medicine we understand that being  gynecologist is a tough job.It consumes most of your time and at the end of the day u are all exhausted and hardly have time for anything else.So i asked her,are u serious?What about your future children? Who will take care of them? Then she said well honestly i dont think im gona get married.And i asked her what makes her think so and she said "because now i realise that it's not easy to find a guy that i like".And i said erm...(means 'yes' in a deep-thought-way).

Another conversation of the same kind i had with Kak Eda years ago.She told me she watched a documentary filmed at an old folks' home.One of the reporters interviewed an old lady.Said she seems happy.She showed what's inside her cupboard.Its filled with juices,delicious biscuits and chocolates, and souveniors she has from her previous travels.Said she's there at the old folks' home by choice.She's not married and has no children.Hurm,maybe i should consider this?

Oh,and this one is a song by sammy yusuf.It's one of my favourites.Actually at first i was thinking of another song that i like which is more relevant to this topic of love,but when i checked out the clip i decided that i dont like it at all.Not my type.Suddenly it hit me that Allah is all about love too,in fact it is the greatest love of all.So here it is,Asma Allah by Sammy Yusuf! =)

La vie en Rose

Good morning blog,Im so happy.I wake up looking forward to write on u.How r u today? I hope as great as i feel =)

Blog,there's another 2 days to go before my next paper for therapy.

Blog,do u know that i plan to go on this trip to the natural park? Yep it's on the 10-11 of July,but it's subjected to changes as many of us will be having our practical during that period.And oh,one more thing im going to Indonesia this summer holiday.Erm,isnt it great? Ok i promise to take alot of pictures for u! =)
I plan to try on bungee jumping.It costs about 50 dollars.I dont know,i'll have to see it first before i decide.I know it's scary the height and all but it's also thrilling! LOL!!!

Audrey Hepburn

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Now it's summer.Strawberries are my favourite summer fruit.There was one time i bought strawberries for 3 days in a row.And there was one time i ate 1 kilogram of strawberries all by myself!.I like it best when dipped into 'smetana'(sour cream)+sugar.HEAVEN!.Oh that was one of the deformed strawberries i found among the ones i bought.I thought it was special so i decided to take a snap of it

Strawberry+Sweet smetana

This is a beatle i found nead my window when i was about to pour some water into my bottle.

And these are the flowers along the way to the infection hospital.See how much different it is from the scenery in winter?Seems as if it never snows here!

Oh this one is in front of the psychiatry department not the infection.Right after my otrabotka i went straight to take picture of this one

好心分手

Its really hot today.Dry lips and skin.Last two days i bought baby johnson's oil and cream both camomile and start putting them on my skin after bath.Makes me feel better.

Im feeling dizzy.I drank 500 ml of water which obviously doesnt help since im still feeling dizzy.

Right now im feeling sad and gloomy.Im suppose to study now but  i dont know why im still here writing this.

And this song,eventhough i dont understand a single word it says it represents my mood and what i m at the moment-pathetic!

Friday 11th of June

I just woke up with throbbing head,burning eyes and a pain in my heart eventhough i had a good rest and slept well last night.Well this is the effect of what happen yday.My body and soul still feel the impact.I know if i tell this to someone they'll advise me not to think too much of it.But the truth is i can't.Not that i dont want to but i just can't stop thinking about it.Up untill now i still dont believe it that someone can actually hate me just bcoz i wear hijab.Ok if i write more i'll become emotional again,so i guess i better stop here.

But,just as a wish to u universe-i hope that u'll pray for my success in this path that ive chosen.And to You,please dont make my heart feel so sad over something that i can't do anything about.And please give me strength and unmoving will power to keep going on.Please always be with me eventhough i might seem to forget about You sometimes and please dont hate me.Ameen

First Exam for Summer 2010

Its been weeks since i last wrote anything.Well thats bcoz i dont really have much to write.Besides im busy preparing for my exam

And today my first paper was surgery.Ive finished it and just come back home.Well,as well known as it is marks here don't really reflect how much effort u have put.Coz exams here are different.Let me explain it:

1.Bilet(The card which contains the questions)

The bilet that each one of us gets will be different from one another.So its a matter of luck.Some of us might read 50 out or 100 Qs but get the ones he/she read.Some might read 90 out of 100 but gets the rest of the Qs which he/she didnt read

2.the zachot book.

some examiners dont really pay attention to what u say but they just flip through your zachot book to see how u have performed in the past.That is why some people are of the concept that those who performed well in the past will always get good marks eventhough they dont study.And it has some truth in it.Alot of it actually

3.Examiners

Mind you examiners here are a bit weird,irritating and overboard sometimes.They have preferances.Some according to personal tastes,some according to what THEY know,and not what we were taught(classes,lectures,books),and some according to their ideology and perspectives(which to many who realise this,is irrelavant to medicine).

I know friends who got this type of examiner.She answered according to what her teacher taught her but the examiner said its not right and started to explain according to what he knows.What the @#$#%1@???!!!

And i had it today,and this is the reason im writing it here,to let u all know how exams are here in Russia or particularly in Volgograd,my university.

U know,being in russian medium for almost 6 years,where i learn everything in the native language of its people i can catch what they say even if it is in a form of whispers (had a few situations where girls here are being vulgar to me,obviously coz i wear hijab.That's a diff story though).

But TODAY, the examiner said to me - TI NE SLISHALA POTOMU SHTO USHA ZAKRITA PLATKOM!-U CAN'T HEAR WHAT I SAY COZ THE HIJAB U ARE WEARING CLOSES YOUR EARS.

It started like this.I was waiting outside for my turn to go into the exam hall.
While waiting i watch how other students were answering,how the teachers are and i secretly wish(not so badly though coz im well prepared.In fact i finished revising all the questions.So i dont really mind to whom i will answer) that i got him.Why? bcoz i naturally like old people men and women.

So finally it was my turn.I took my zachot book from the laborant and went to him.He opened it and asked me to say my name.I almost spelled it out for him.

Then it came to answering.

My first question was 'gnoiniye zabolevaniye plevri.Klinika'-Pleural empyema.Clinical.

I answered it according to the system: What are the symptoms which can be seen from respiratory,circulatory and general condition of the patient.I speak and speak and speak till i finished my first question.Silent.(I was waiting for him in case he has anything else he wanted to ask.)Then he ask me again 'what are the symptoms?' i look at him unbelievably.Then as if i do not know anything he repeated again my answer and yes,according to the systems just like how i answered.

And through the whole proccess of answering his voice was so slow i can hardly hear him so i bend my head closer.Then he said to me in a sarcastic way- TI NE SLISHALA POTOMU SHTO USHA ZAKRITA PLATKOM!.I was speechless.I mean what the hell is wrong with u?! Well let me ask u, when u were having difficulty reading my name (which is a wonder to me coz it was wirtten in RUSSIAN AND BY A RUSSIAN) did i say to u "Skolko vam let?Chitat ne umeete?-How old are u?U dont know how to read?

Sigh...


I guess this is the result of decades of indoctrination by the illuminatis.People seem to have a DISTORTED idea bout women with hijab.Well,u people out there let me ask u,have i ever said anything bout the way u dress?NEVER.Do u know what i feel about the way u dress? IM DISGUSTED!!

emotional mode begins....

Im disgusted with the way u carry yourself!
Im disgusted with your arrogance!
Im disgusted with this idea that u have-that u are above all others when u can show your body.


-emotinal mode ended-

So back to the story of me and the examiner.He cant fail me obviously,and he wont give me a 5 too coz he has a problem with my hijab.So he decided to give me a four...

From now on i have to keep in mind that if i know that i know,then whatever it is that others say dont matter anymore,be it the examiner,be it anyone..